How seriously do you take something that a person says to you, or says about you?
Does it roll right off your back?
Or does it linger, fester, and eat your heart alive?
We are going to talk about this.
See, you can handle it one of those two ways. I only wish that I could handle it like option one.
When you feel like a nothing, if someone says something to you, and it pretty much discredits all you are trying to do, do your best, make your way, make you feel like even more of a nothing....woah.
It's as if that self worth that you don't have, has taken an even lower dip into those negative numbers.
Now, you are at war, once again with yourself. It's not a good way to be living.
So for quite a few days, this has been the story, not even being able to take the way those words felt, til I had a talk with my mother, like I always do.
Thing about my mother is, she knows what's up. You can't hide diddley squat from her. And she has a lot of the answers. One thing she showed me, is that she has never cared what anyone negative things anyone said. She's got her own thing going, and if anyone thinks they can say something to her, and change the way she marches for the worst, well tough cookies, they are going to be disappointed. This woman WEARS ARMOR.
She made me realize, who cares? I just need to keep doing what I am doing and not let those things get me down. When you have low self esteem, things will hit you, knock you down, who knows when you get up again? Mama never had this problem.
So, I am going to take her advice, and not let this stuff eat at me. I don't need another battle to fight. I've been fighting stuff since I was a little girl, I've had it.
After this, on the way back up the steps to home after a pretty eventful night, where it just got to me too much, I took a deep breath and said: "I'm gonna be ok". And Mom said: "Yes, you are".
So I want to pass on some of her wisdom, maybe it will help somebody out there.
Just let it roll off your back. Keep doing all of the good that you are doing. You will be ok.
I love my mother, darn it.
Monday, January 18, 2016
Sunday, January 17, 2016
Poetic Mumbo Jumbo.
If I Could Be You.
If I could be you for just an hour, I'd appreciate the
beauty I possess. Olive skin and darkened tress, to be I'm
awe of the new odd shape I've shifted.
Wouldn't need affirmation or reflection, I'd give myself a
New kind of affection, if I were you, I'd be enough for me.
Strolling Brooklyn or hills in the old country, some person
may just stop to look, I'd look them in the eye and nod, gee,
never done that before.
Could be charming, smart and witty, you'd see and prepare
to be disarmed. But I can't be you or anybody, but to fade to
dust, covered in with sand and years.
When the paint wears off, the smile will subside, what's left
is a woman broken up, what does make up do but put on a
show?
Had I been you, I wouldn't need it and could love myself and
be satisfied...imagine if I could do that with my own body and
mind.
And I'd settle to be a chain around your neck, with sainted medals.....
Sister Of The North.
Sister of the Northern, of flowing golden hair, how did
fate drive two paths to collide?
How, may I ask, so many miles farther? You could jump at
the chance, your convent is not an ivory tower.
It's cold up that way, are long distance calls so warm?
It looks like luck and kismet is at your side, the good Lord
gave you my wish and left my soul to frost.
Sister of the Northern, of golden flowing hair, if you had
known me, would you have dared?
Social Melt.
No angels left to walk the Earth, no Red Sea parting over
the dirt, as far back to look, killings been an art, but let us
keep our hands clean instead.
No more miracles being performed, big men call recruits
for fighting. Life moves fast, as soon as a blink, if I wanted
a circle, I'd skate at a rink.
I really dig standing next to you. The day is short, might
as well be true. If you walked far through the gates, I'd be
grey and alone, all I needed was to take you home, its true,
I really dig standing next to you.
Snow comes after Christmas, who wants it around?
Industry has moved and took the boom from little towns,
Old railroad tracks still run through.
Tonight I stood in a familiar square, the memory of meeting
will always be there.
Rainbow In A Blackbird.
Bird on the roof jumped today, fly, float, sing for your
life.
A bird with exotic rainbow feathers snatched his heart
quick, like an earthworm, blessed is not one who waits in
line.
A bird of rainbow plumage catches faster then a blackbird.
That darn Cardinal knew not of the rainbow in a blackbird's
soul.
Bird on the roof jumped today, fly, float, sing for your
life.
A Cardinal knows not of the rainbow in a blackbird.
A blackbird is ever so damned.
If I could be you for just an hour, I'd appreciate the
beauty I possess. Olive skin and darkened tress, to be I'm
awe of the new odd shape I've shifted.
Wouldn't need affirmation or reflection, I'd give myself a
New kind of affection, if I were you, I'd be enough for me.
Strolling Brooklyn or hills in the old country, some person
may just stop to look, I'd look them in the eye and nod, gee,
never done that before.
Could be charming, smart and witty, you'd see and prepare
to be disarmed. But I can't be you or anybody, but to fade to
dust, covered in with sand and years.
When the paint wears off, the smile will subside, what's left
is a woman broken up, what does make up do but put on a
show?
Had I been you, I wouldn't need it and could love myself and
be satisfied...imagine if I could do that with my own body and
mind.
And I'd settle to be a chain around your neck, with sainted medals.....
Sister Of The North.
Sister of the Northern, of flowing golden hair, how did
fate drive two paths to collide?
How, may I ask, so many miles farther? You could jump at
the chance, your convent is not an ivory tower.
It's cold up that way, are long distance calls so warm?
It looks like luck and kismet is at your side, the good Lord
gave you my wish and left my soul to frost.
Sister of the Northern, of golden flowing hair, if you had
known me, would you have dared?
Social Melt.
No angels left to walk the Earth, no Red Sea parting over
the dirt, as far back to look, killings been an art, but let us
keep our hands clean instead.
No more miracles being performed, big men call recruits
for fighting. Life moves fast, as soon as a blink, if I wanted
a circle, I'd skate at a rink.
I really dig standing next to you. The day is short, might
as well be true. If you walked far through the gates, I'd be
grey and alone, all I needed was to take you home, its true,
I really dig standing next to you.
Snow comes after Christmas, who wants it around?
Industry has moved and took the boom from little towns,
Old railroad tracks still run through.
Tonight I stood in a familiar square, the memory of meeting
will always be there.
Rainbow In A Blackbird.
Bird on the roof jumped today, fly, float, sing for your
life.
A bird with exotic rainbow feathers snatched his heart
quick, like an earthworm, blessed is not one who waits in
line.
A bird of rainbow plumage catches faster then a blackbird.
That darn Cardinal knew not of the rainbow in a blackbird's
soul.
Bird on the roof jumped today, fly, float, sing for your
life.
A Cardinal knows not of the rainbow in a blackbird.
A blackbird is ever so damned.
Friday, January 15, 2016
Little Old Lady Goes To Starbucks: Plus Three Questions.
It is 1:17 AM. I am running on only five hours of sleep from the previous night. Been working on so so many projects that I really hope to share with you soon!
Today was a mixed emotion day, went to the supermarket with my mother--insert plug: if you want to see the stuff she hauled from Wal Mart, check out the "Eight Gypsies" YouTube channel. I didn't post a haul, but I hauled home baby's first skin foundation (in their whitest shade, really digging this) and some yarn.
I am planning to try out the Scrubby yarn by Red Heart. Might make some scrubbies to sell, who knows?
This dawned on me as my Mother and I grabbed our drinks from the drive thru at Starbucks.
She orders a Double Choclatey chip Frappe.
I get some lime refresher thing, I don't even know the name of.
Seeing these drinks, reflects our personalities. She's a grown woman with a need for dark, delicious chocolate flavors, and I am a Fruity Rooty Tooty teenager, digging all those fruity drinks. I get the little lady drink!!
Interesting.
They were our of my usual strawberry acai, and no paninis, so I could not get the spicy Italian sandwich that I wanted to try out. Bummer. However, Yummy salami!
Another conclusion I came to, dawned after a really hard shift at work, of no mercy.
Dear Lord, I prayed for it to be over and done with. I ended up working forty five mins after my shift was supposed to end.
My hips are in constant pain. Grew so hard to bear, that I had to take an ibuprofen. I can't barely walk right now. My knees are shaking, and on top of that, I'm having some really bad worry problems, that are making my stomach sick.
Conclusion? I'M A 17 YEAR OLD LITTLE OLD LADY!!!!! What on EARTH?
On a lighter note...three questions:
What is your favorite Starbucks drink?
Did anyone see "Daddy's Home" at the movies? It was the bomb.
Do you have a problem or series of problems that make you feel younger or older then you are?
Let me know!
Today was a mixed emotion day, went to the supermarket with my mother--insert plug: if you want to see the stuff she hauled from Wal Mart, check out the "Eight Gypsies" YouTube channel. I didn't post a haul, but I hauled home baby's first skin foundation (in their whitest shade, really digging this) and some yarn.
I am planning to try out the Scrubby yarn by Red Heart. Might make some scrubbies to sell, who knows?
This dawned on me as my Mother and I grabbed our drinks from the drive thru at Starbucks.
She orders a Double Choclatey chip Frappe.
I get some lime refresher thing, I don't even know the name of.
Seeing these drinks, reflects our personalities. She's a grown woman with a need for dark, delicious chocolate flavors, and I am a Fruity Rooty Tooty teenager, digging all those fruity drinks. I get the little lady drink!!
Interesting.
They were our of my usual strawberry acai, and no paninis, so I could not get the spicy Italian sandwich that I wanted to try out. Bummer. However, Yummy salami!
Another conclusion I came to, dawned after a really hard shift at work, of no mercy.
Dear Lord, I prayed for it to be over and done with. I ended up working forty five mins after my shift was supposed to end.
My hips are in constant pain. Grew so hard to bear, that I had to take an ibuprofen. I can't barely walk right now. My knees are shaking, and on top of that, I'm having some really bad worry problems, that are making my stomach sick.
Conclusion? I'M A 17 YEAR OLD LITTLE OLD LADY!!!!! What on EARTH?
On a lighter note...three questions:
What is your favorite Starbucks drink?
Did anyone see "Daddy's Home" at the movies? It was the bomb.
Do you have a problem or series of problems that make you feel younger or older then you are?
Let me know!
Saturday, January 9, 2016
A Little Talk on Some Big Problems.
I want to talk a little about Anxiety and Depression. I know, I don't write a whole lot anymore, only ending up writing in the middle of the night. This is important.
It has dawned on me tonight, that my Anxiety and Depression (A&D for short) has gotten a little better. It is not all the way there yet, but it is better. Sometimes I think there is no hope, but we only have to look back at our pasts to see how far we've come. My fellow folks with these problems, you know what I mean and how it is.
I have thrown up for a whole month, and couldn't eat much.
I couldn't sleep alone in a room by myself.
Was afraid of people, going down the street, of the past and of the future.
I haven't thrown up now since August. That passed. Only a week ago did the November/December long every night cryathon subside. I can sleep in my room with the door closed. I can walk down the street, meet and interact with so many people, but am still afraid of the future, still have confidence problems and a warped body image.
However, THINGS ARE LOOKING UP.
There's This odd relationship I have with God. I believe he helped give me all the problems that I have and have had with my physical and emotional health, however, I do believe that he has taken a good chunk of those problems away. I have a feeling they may come back, that even Cancer might return, but for now, a raging ocean is a rippling stream. Not too bad.
I am not going to force my belief on you, I hate being preached to, and don't claim a religion or label myself. I believe in God, yes, but I am NOT going to shove it down your throat, this is not what this post is about.
This post is for those who are going through somethings emotionally, and might need a little hope.
The feeling does not fully go away, but it does get a little better, you are going to be constantly fighting.
I just want to tell you this. Do not stop eating, or let your emotions get so bad, that all you can do is throw up all the time.
It's not good for you. If you cry a lot, that's a whole different story, I have no remedy for that, because I am a light switch and can't get a hold on it yet.
Just don't stop eating, and try to gather your reasons for living, no matter how bad, you DO NOT want to kill yourself.
The World is BAD. It is. But there are so many good things.
So many places, even in your own home state to go and see.
So many people to get to know, so many hugs to give.
So much good food to eat out there.
And I think you are pretty awesome.
It has dawned on me tonight, that my Anxiety and Depression (A&D for short) has gotten a little better. It is not all the way there yet, but it is better. Sometimes I think there is no hope, but we only have to look back at our pasts to see how far we've come. My fellow folks with these problems, you know what I mean and how it is.
I have thrown up for a whole month, and couldn't eat much.
I couldn't sleep alone in a room by myself.
Was afraid of people, going down the street, of the past and of the future.
I haven't thrown up now since August. That passed. Only a week ago did the November/December long every night cryathon subside. I can sleep in my room with the door closed. I can walk down the street, meet and interact with so many people, but am still afraid of the future, still have confidence problems and a warped body image.
However, THINGS ARE LOOKING UP.
There's This odd relationship I have with God. I believe he helped give me all the problems that I have and have had with my physical and emotional health, however, I do believe that he has taken a good chunk of those problems away. I have a feeling they may come back, that even Cancer might return, but for now, a raging ocean is a rippling stream. Not too bad.
I am not going to force my belief on you, I hate being preached to, and don't claim a religion or label myself. I believe in God, yes, but I am NOT going to shove it down your throat, this is not what this post is about.
This post is for those who are going through somethings emotionally, and might need a little hope.
The feeling does not fully go away, but it does get a little better, you are going to be constantly fighting.
I just want to tell you this. Do not stop eating, or let your emotions get so bad, that all you can do is throw up all the time.
It's not good for you. If you cry a lot, that's a whole different story, I have no remedy for that, because I am a light switch and can't get a hold on it yet.
Just don't stop eating, and try to gather your reasons for living, no matter how bad, you DO NOT want to kill yourself.
The World is BAD. It is. But there are so many good things.
So many places, even in your own home state to go and see.
So many people to get to know, so many hugs to give.
So much good food to eat out there.
And I think you are pretty awesome.
Thursday, January 7, 2016
Senior Prom Anticipation!
I am so ecstatic at this moment! I don't exactly know if this would merit as an exciting or blog worthy thing to others, but it is to me, I get very excited about things!
After many years of persuading, senior year has come, and I am going to the town's senior prom!
This is exciting since I am homeschooled. My mother has homeschooled me since age four, she also homeschools the other five children in our family. She is a good teacher, and must be so happy to be graduating one! One down, five to go!
I have to admit, I was not the best and most accepting homeschooled kid, I wanted to be doing the things that other teenagers were doing. I've been a loner all of my life, never had friends til I got my job last year, now I actually have some friends! We don't hang out, I am not allowed to stay over people's houses, but it is a pretty good thing going on.
I've always dreamed of going to the prom.ALWAYS. I always pictured myself in a beautiful dress with a really cute boy at my arm. I will have a beautiful dress, but no boy, as I am not allowed to date, however, I am allowed to dance with the boys there! That of which I am excited, I've never danced with a boy before. I don't count on it, but I hope there will be a nice Italian or Jewish boy to dance with.
The dress I am wearing is blue, and from the 70s. One of Dad's coworkers gave it to me. Prom is in May, I will be sure to post photos.
I thought of buying a dress, but I really wanted to be different and wear that pretty old blue dress. I'm already going to stand out a little being a homeschooled kid at a high school prom, why not go the extra mile, it's not going to hurt!
It's like my whole life lives up to this moment, something I've always wished for. No one has seen that, because they can't see directly into the heart, how much I am looking forward to and anticipating this.
It's like the six year old girl in me is so excited, expecting this fairy tale dream to come true.
The fourteen year old me is laughing it off, thinking it is not real, sadly thinking that there isn't a chance.
Then there is the 17 year old, so filled with awe and excitement.
I can't believe I have lived to be 17, and am going to the prom in a pretty blue dress.
After many years of persuading, senior year has come, and I am going to the town's senior prom!
This is exciting since I am homeschooled. My mother has homeschooled me since age four, she also homeschools the other five children in our family. She is a good teacher, and must be so happy to be graduating one! One down, five to go!
I have to admit, I was not the best and most accepting homeschooled kid, I wanted to be doing the things that other teenagers were doing. I've been a loner all of my life, never had friends til I got my job last year, now I actually have some friends! We don't hang out, I am not allowed to stay over people's houses, but it is a pretty good thing going on.
I've always dreamed of going to the prom.ALWAYS. I always pictured myself in a beautiful dress with a really cute boy at my arm. I will have a beautiful dress, but no boy, as I am not allowed to date, however, I am allowed to dance with the boys there! That of which I am excited, I've never danced with a boy before. I don't count on it, but I hope there will be a nice Italian or Jewish boy to dance with.
The dress I am wearing is blue, and from the 70s. One of Dad's coworkers gave it to me. Prom is in May, I will be sure to post photos.
I thought of buying a dress, but I really wanted to be different and wear that pretty old blue dress. I'm already going to stand out a little being a homeschooled kid at a high school prom, why not go the extra mile, it's not going to hurt!
It's like my whole life lives up to this moment, something I've always wished for. No one has seen that, because they can't see directly into the heart, how much I am looking forward to and anticipating this.
It's like the six year old girl in me is so excited, expecting this fairy tale dream to come true.
The fourteen year old me is laughing it off, thinking it is not real, sadly thinking that there isn't a chance.
Then there is the 17 year old, so filled with awe and excitement.
I can't believe I have lived to be 17, and am going to the prom in a pretty blue dress.
Monday, January 4, 2016
Roses and Playlists.
Happy New Year to all! Hope you guys had a wonderful and safe New Year Celebration, no sneakin' bubbly for this kid, cherry Pepsi all the way!
Only four days into 2016, and I've already completed several little projects, the hair pin flowers that I've been selling. I got the pattern from this link: http//jennozkan.com/2010/10/pattern-small-rosette/ hope the link works, my copy and paste system is kaput as of right now, so I had to type out the WHOLE THING.
These are really easy. You can make them in under 20 minutes. And they are adorable! It is easier then most flowers, you pretty much stitch a strand, then roll it up to look like a flower, detailing the folds any way you please, then you sew it together with your long yarn tail and yarn/tapestry needle.
In the above photo, I am in my brother and sister's room...they have all the cool Superhero posters.
When you crochet, you need some jams. I listen to a whole bunch of stuff, I would love to know what you are listening to as well! But I am going to pop into my YouTube list of most watched stuff and see what I listen to the most.
Crocheting Play list.
1: "Have I Sinned" by Lou Christie. (The 1964 version, THE HIGH ONE)
2: "Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You" by The Four Seasons. (My favorite horn section.)
3: "You Are Always On My Mind" by The Partridge Family.
4: "In Need Of A Friend" by The Cowsills
5: "You Won't Even Know Her Name" by Josephine Sunday.
And that's just the tip of the iceberg.
Wednesday, December 30, 2015
My Own New Year's Resolutions!
It may be early, but the fact remains, it is still New Years Eve! I've been thinking of resolutions all month, but my Mom's post gave me some inspiration to blog about it.
If you want to check out her blog, go to www.eightgypsies.blogspot.com
You can also check out her Eight Gypsies YouTube channel, where she vlogs about every day life, and you might even get a quick glimpse of your's truly....not that seeing me is any thing to jump and shout about.
I am really glad that my mother is trying these cool things out, she even has a Twitter account, something I haven't actually got off the ground yet!
Alright, straight to the meat.
Reflecting on last year's resolutions, I didn't stick to a lot of them. I didn't memorize all of "Grease" finish my Arnold Horshack scarf, gain more patience or stop biting my nails.
However, I did get a job, make things for Project Linus and wrote more songs and poems!
Which brings us to:
Raven's New Year's Resolutions in no Particular Order.
1: Graduate and head off to a CNA program! I've been on the fence about it, thought of so many careers, but I believe I should definitely be doing this, and should just go ahead and do it, without second guessing myself.
2: More blankets for the kids!
3: Make hats for the military. I would like to add on extra service projects, I love to help.
4: Learn to love myself. I need to separate my mind from my body and see that I am an actual person who doesn't need the emotional abuse I dish out to myself. It really is what it is. The self loathing and doubting and not being confident has to end sometime soon.
5: Don't have any more anxiety attacks and stop the long string of crying nights. I don't know how much more of it my heart can take, and FOR WHAT? Maybe I know or Maybe I don't. This too, must end, for I just can't handle it anymore.
6: Complete my hug list (see last post)
7: See more of my home and birth state.
8: Keep digging in the genealogy.
9: Attempt my segue into adult hood. So far, it is not going extremely well. I still feel like a fluffy little girl, who is unsure of every thing. I want to grow up, but I know I won't be a grown woman for a long time, and I am going to be 18 next year. I want to be a small fluffy grown person! Hey, what's wrong with bows, wild eyeshadow, ringlets and admiration for Snoopy?
10: Go to New York City (seeing SNL is kind of a long shot goal, so I don't expect it.)
11: Meet Lou Christie (I have high expectations, I think he will be slightly easier to meet then One Direction, much easier! Luigi, I'm on my way!)
What resolutions do you have?
If you want to check out her blog, go to www.eightgypsies.blogspot.com
You can also check out her Eight Gypsies YouTube channel, where she vlogs about every day life, and you might even get a quick glimpse of your's truly....not that seeing me is any thing to jump and shout about.
I am really glad that my mother is trying these cool things out, she even has a Twitter account, something I haven't actually got off the ground yet!
Alright, straight to the meat.
Reflecting on last year's resolutions, I didn't stick to a lot of them. I didn't memorize all of "Grease" finish my Arnold Horshack scarf, gain more patience or stop biting my nails.
However, I did get a job, make things for Project Linus and wrote more songs and poems!
Which brings us to:
Raven's New Year's Resolutions in no Particular Order.
1: Graduate and head off to a CNA program! I've been on the fence about it, thought of so many careers, but I believe I should definitely be doing this, and should just go ahead and do it, without second guessing myself.
2: More blankets for the kids!
3: Make hats for the military. I would like to add on extra service projects, I love to help.
4: Learn to love myself. I need to separate my mind from my body and see that I am an actual person who doesn't need the emotional abuse I dish out to myself. It really is what it is. The self loathing and doubting and not being confident has to end sometime soon.
5: Don't have any more anxiety attacks and stop the long string of crying nights. I don't know how much more of it my heart can take, and FOR WHAT? Maybe I know or Maybe I don't. This too, must end, for I just can't handle it anymore.
6: Complete my hug list (see last post)
7: See more of my home and birth state.
8: Keep digging in the genealogy.
9: Attempt my segue into adult hood. So far, it is not going extremely well. I still feel like a fluffy little girl, who is unsure of every thing. I want to grow up, but I know I won't be a grown woman for a long time, and I am going to be 18 next year. I want to be a small fluffy grown person! Hey, what's wrong with bows, wild eyeshadow, ringlets and admiration for Snoopy?
10: Go to New York City (seeing SNL is kind of a long shot goal, so I don't expect it.)
11: Meet Lou Christie (I have high expectations, I think he will be slightly easier to meet then One Direction, much easier! Luigi, I'm on my way!)
What resolutions do you have?
Tuesday, December 29, 2015
Lou Christie Next Year!!
I am such a happy little lady at this moment! A brand new year dawns upon us.....So much to do in 2016, including going to my very first big concert! It is a Doo Wop shows with tons of acts including the Skyliners and Capris, but most importantly, and the reason I am going, Lou Christie! The reason I bought two tickets, one for my mother, one for myself, with my hard earned dollars, and barely batted an eyelash!
I have been listening to his music slightly longer then I have been working. I crochet to it, fall asleep to it, get ready for work and put on my makeup to it, lots of good stuff. He has a spot on the Raven playlist. Italians have the best pipes ever, I am sure of it, not as popular, but I think he is better then Frankie Valli!
I may be the youngest one there at the concert, but that's alright, music can carry over generations, especially if it is GOOD.
I can't pick a favorite song, but "Chuckie Wagon" is one, off the "Paint America Love" album.....I don't have that album. But it's good.
Truth is, Lou Christie is on my hug list. I have a very long list of people to hug. One of next year's goals is to meet and give my Aunt a big hug, and meet Lou Christie and give him a big hug too. Should he happen to hobknob in the lobby after, I shall shuffle on over and with his permission, check off my resolution. Yes, this year is gonna be the bomb.
Sorry about the font, I put up pictures and it all went kersplat! Also, not exactly sure where I got the photos on Google Search, but these photos are not mine nor do I claim them to be.
That last one though...imagine two of them? I like lightnin', rain, and fringe jackets too.
Saturday, December 26, 2015
Hats and Positivity.
Hoping that all of my readers had a Merry Christmas! My family did. No snow, but I am not complaining. I'm not the biggest snow freak. I love warm weather!
Over the last two weeks, I have been burning the midnight oil, made over 11 hats and counting still.
It was a kind of evolution of hats, as I had to make 7 different patterns before I found the one with the perfect fit. Needless to say, I spent a good amount of time discouraged and upset. But I am very, very confident in the pattern that is in the picture, the fits are great, the form is good.
The four hats are for my cousin, he bought from me, thank you so much! I have to get myself to the post office on Tuesday.
It's good to stay optimistic, if you can. It's always a work in progress, but always set the bar higher for your expectations of yourself. I have spent so much time putting the bar lower then my self since I had no confidence in my abilities. I suppose the best thing to do is to jump right into what ever you think you cannot do, and just work harder to do so. At least, that's what I am going to do.
It's a constant work in progress, and I find myself backsliding a lot, but things are so much better then they were at the start of the Summer, when I was so sick with worry. Don't let yourself ever get to that point, you will become a vegetable. Nobody wants a celery person.
I am glad the holidays are over, I think being upset at this time is no good at all.
Today's song is another by Mike Clifford, how enchanting.
Any projects as of late?
Wednesday, December 23, 2015
Stream Of Consciousness Writing
Tried something new today!
I am crazy and bananas for writing songs and poetry, reports, any thing, I love to write. Mostly poetry. I don't really have a form of writing, like a structure, I don't even really rhyme too much. Perhaps that stems from my father's disdain of lyrics that rhyme, so after that, I tried to exclude that form from my writing. However, I am pretty open to it, I just don't want to rhyme in a typical way, moon and June, hold me in your arms and your many charms. Charms! Lord!
When I was crocheting, I remembered a video I saw on writing awhile back, it talked about songwriting and how Paul Simon used Stream Of Consciousness writing to write some of his songs. Well. I really admire Paul Simon's epic songs. My favorite song writers include him, Paul Williams, Joe South, Tony Romeo, and the Lou Christie/Twyla Herbert songwriting team.
I'm getting off topic. So I thought, lemmee look up how to Do this stream stuff, see what kind of stuff this Paul Simon dude was getting into.
Stream of Consciousness is exactly what it sounds like. You take a paper, pen, pick a topic and write WHATEVER pops into your head, without breaking, without censor or punctuation or even going back to correct your spelling. Only with pen and paper, computers or iPods are not recommended, it's hindering, less personal.
So I gave this thing a go, I will share with you the three notebook pages that I had completed, no stopping, even though it was late and I had a massive headache.
Here we go.
It's so vast and high when it hits the very peak of the Roman cathedral's ceiling, warm in notes, has my vote such richness to course through some chilly creek veins the rain was tempting today wet on the stairs shoes did not slip, money well spent I could scratch the arc and dome of the sky with the love in music my eardrums had felt, if I could see it bright colors could dance and rhapsodize in front of my very so many thoughts could make their way through dontcha love the way the bells and horns make your eardrums feel coffee and egg nog and old days and new days, drag lace curtains up and over my eyes in the dead hours of morning before the stirring can begin, the red headphones drawn tight over my little ugly ears, so much love had they felt enjoyed music had not destroyed back in prehistoria sure now can imagine, do imagine, almost ashamed, but healthy and smiling and drawing from a place non focusing as one should, keep all hidden, it's a drag across the linoleum flirt, a drag a drag, only solace to be found, so many songs so intricately planned, well done and pretty and moving can't get the words out of my pen can't wake up where I want in the fresh morn, I'd stay forever if I could don't want to pass into death fore I'm kissed lavender rose colors scope mouthwash curls readied can make something so grandiose and beautiful and the music will carry and carry strong like the mules in the mines, the mines, strong men's work can carry in the past random historical thought how odd can ya get to get back on a track desire country walks and drag me running through the lilacs and dandelions, messes of down home Polk salad girl can dream, its wrong, wrong, wrong to dream or want desire be confident love others love oneself wrong wrong wrong and anger but the music stood the test of time tangles my heartstrings in a wondorous way cut me open dance out the music from my stitches, gaping hole in my chest did the Big Man in the throne expell laugher? Music dance out walk the country walk take my hand for it begs for something a long time it begs can't admit what tears fell for but the music lifts and hits the ceiling hard.
I am crazy and bananas for writing songs and poetry, reports, any thing, I love to write. Mostly poetry. I don't really have a form of writing, like a structure, I don't even really rhyme too much. Perhaps that stems from my father's disdain of lyrics that rhyme, so after that, I tried to exclude that form from my writing. However, I am pretty open to it, I just don't want to rhyme in a typical way, moon and June, hold me in your arms and your many charms. Charms! Lord!
When I was crocheting, I remembered a video I saw on writing awhile back, it talked about songwriting and how Paul Simon used Stream Of Consciousness writing to write some of his songs. Well. I really admire Paul Simon's epic songs. My favorite song writers include him, Paul Williams, Joe South, Tony Romeo, and the Lou Christie/Twyla Herbert songwriting team.
I'm getting off topic. So I thought, lemmee look up how to Do this stream stuff, see what kind of stuff this Paul Simon dude was getting into.
Stream of Consciousness is exactly what it sounds like. You take a paper, pen, pick a topic and write WHATEVER pops into your head, without breaking, without censor or punctuation or even going back to correct your spelling. Only with pen and paper, computers or iPods are not recommended, it's hindering, less personal.
So I gave this thing a go, I will share with you the three notebook pages that I had completed, no stopping, even though it was late and I had a massive headache.
Here we go.
It's so vast and high when it hits the very peak of the Roman cathedral's ceiling, warm in notes, has my vote such richness to course through some chilly creek veins the rain was tempting today wet on the stairs shoes did not slip, money well spent I could scratch the arc and dome of the sky with the love in music my eardrums had felt, if I could see it bright colors could dance and rhapsodize in front of my very so many thoughts could make their way through dontcha love the way the bells and horns make your eardrums feel coffee and egg nog and old days and new days, drag lace curtains up and over my eyes in the dead hours of morning before the stirring can begin, the red headphones drawn tight over my little ugly ears, so much love had they felt enjoyed music had not destroyed back in prehistoria sure now can imagine, do imagine, almost ashamed, but healthy and smiling and drawing from a place non focusing as one should, keep all hidden, it's a drag across the linoleum flirt, a drag a drag, only solace to be found, so many songs so intricately planned, well done and pretty and moving can't get the words out of my pen can't wake up where I want in the fresh morn, I'd stay forever if I could don't want to pass into death fore I'm kissed lavender rose colors scope mouthwash curls readied can make something so grandiose and beautiful and the music will carry and carry strong like the mules in the mines, the mines, strong men's work can carry in the past random historical thought how odd can ya get to get back on a track desire country walks and drag me running through the lilacs and dandelions, messes of down home Polk salad girl can dream, its wrong, wrong, wrong to dream or want desire be confident love others love oneself wrong wrong wrong and anger but the music stood the test of time tangles my heartstrings in a wondorous way cut me open dance out the music from my stitches, gaping hole in my chest did the Big Man in the throne expell laugher? Music dance out walk the country walk take my hand for it begs for something a long time it begs can't admit what tears fell for but the music lifts and hits the ceiling hard.
Tuesday, December 22, 2015
Sephora Haul Etc!!
My very first time doing a mall haul!
Today, I took my drivers permit test, and failed by four questions! This was one time where I practiced trying to be positive. I told myself, you've got this Ray! And I had a lot of support from family and friends. Bombed anyway. I am not usually an extremely positive person, especially when it comes to my view of myself. I think I am a massive failure in all aspects of life, and feel as if I can't even tell myself that I can do well, or God will drop another failure in front of me, just to keep me in a check.
But, enough about that. My father and I went to the mall, and I did a bit of shopping! After dining at one of the finest restaurants, Arby's, for a decadent roast beef sandwich, prime curly fries and Pepsi worthy of the angel Gabriel, we hit Sephora! From Sephora, I bought a lovely wide tooth comb for detangling crazy curls!! I gave it a test run in the shower, and I call it a winner.
Second, a new eyeshadow shade, Picnic In The Park. I love green shades. Especially when paired with a red or nude shade, really makes Brown eyes pop! I also signed up for their rewards card and received a birthday present, two lip crayons! So very happy and grateful. GROOVY!
Next, we dropped in J.C Penney quick so I could get a sweater, then to Gertrude Hawk, bought my mother and sister some chocolate!
Although we waited an hour and 15 mins at the DMV, then we're stuck in traffic, it was a great day spent with my Dad. That's really special.
Today's jam of the day is a new old song I found on YouTube by Mike Clifford called "Close To Cathy". Be still my heart, it is so good, and am surprised I had not found it sooner. I really dig his sweater combo. I really love it when boys wear sweaters, it warms my little heart.One reason to love Winter!
Friday, December 18, 2015
ALMOST SATURDAY NIGHT!!!
I have had a love/hate relationship with Saturday. When I was little, it was the best day ever, my father's day off. On that day, we would usually head out to the antique stores and to eat.
We moved around a lot, Dad got a new job, and Saturday became just another day. Of course, it still had electricity in the air, as I feel all weekends do, but it just wasn't the same.
Until Saturday became something to look forward to.
I am crazy about comedy stuff, so I always loved Saturday Night Live. I would watch it sometimes as a kid with my parents, but I would have to Eiether close my eyes, ears or leave the room sometimes. Or the TV would get turned off! Bummer! As I got older, mostly lately, I was finally allowed to watch it, and recently became a loyal watcher, this 41st season.
This show, not only is it funny, but it really means a lot to me. In the middle of November, I had my heart broken, or maybe I broke my own heart, I don't know what to say about this. Needless to say, what was a happy day, turned into one of the worst days on my list. I took it very hard, and though it rests near the back of my mind, as far as I can push it, it is still there, and it still hurts sometimes. It's just another thing on top of my pile of mental garbage that plagues me at every waking moment.
It was a bad night, but thank God it was a Saturday, and SNL was on, and I could laugh instead of cry that night. And laugh I did. It was a great show. If it had been a Monday or a Sunday or whatever, there would be no chance, I'd have cried all night.
But of course, I pretty much cried all of Sunday night....and Monday.. etc etc...You can't win.
But for that one time, I was happy and could laugh. And that is why I look forward to it ALL WEEK!
I bring cherry Pepsi from work, I get the Cheezits from the top of the fridge, get the posse together (my father and sister) and we have a great time, dying of laughter, I swear it is the best.
One day, though I don't count on it, I hope to see it live in NYC. That would be the bomb. It's always been a dream of Mine to see the Big Apple. AND TAKE A GIANT BITE!!
In the meantime, I might have a letter to Kyle Mooney in the works. If he sends me a photo, I can't decide where to hang it. I have my wall with the signed Jerry Lewis picture, I was kind of reserving that wall for Jewish comics, I have my Simon and Garfunkel poster on the same side of the room. I don't know if Kyle Mooney is Jewish, but Vanessa Bayer is...perhaps I will write two.
We moved around a lot, Dad got a new job, and Saturday became just another day. Of course, it still had electricity in the air, as I feel all weekends do, but it just wasn't the same.
Until Saturday became something to look forward to.
I am crazy about comedy stuff, so I always loved Saturday Night Live. I would watch it sometimes as a kid with my parents, but I would have to Eiether close my eyes, ears or leave the room sometimes. Or the TV would get turned off! Bummer! As I got older, mostly lately, I was finally allowed to watch it, and recently became a loyal watcher, this 41st season.
This show, not only is it funny, but it really means a lot to me. In the middle of November, I had my heart broken, or maybe I broke my own heart, I don't know what to say about this. Needless to say, what was a happy day, turned into one of the worst days on my list. I took it very hard, and though it rests near the back of my mind, as far as I can push it, it is still there, and it still hurts sometimes. It's just another thing on top of my pile of mental garbage that plagues me at every waking moment.
It was a bad night, but thank God it was a Saturday, and SNL was on, and I could laugh instead of cry that night. And laugh I did. It was a great show. If it had been a Monday or a Sunday or whatever, there would be no chance, I'd have cried all night.
But of course, I pretty much cried all of Sunday night....and Monday.. etc etc...You can't win.
But for that one time, I was happy and could laugh. And that is why I look forward to it ALL WEEK!
I bring cherry Pepsi from work, I get the Cheezits from the top of the fridge, get the posse together (my father and sister) and we have a great time, dying of laughter, I swear it is the best.
One day, though I don't count on it, I hope to see it live in NYC. That would be the bomb. It's always been a dream of Mine to see the Big Apple. AND TAKE A GIANT BITE!!
In the meantime, I might have a letter to Kyle Mooney in the works. If he sends me a photo, I can't decide where to hang it. I have my wall with the signed Jerry Lewis picture, I was kind of reserving that wall for Jewish comics, I have my Simon and Garfunkel poster on the same side of the room. I don't know if Kyle Mooney is Jewish, but Vanessa Bayer is...perhaps I will write two.
After this week, the show goes on Holliday break, but I guess I can wait. At least I have some reruns.
And what do you do when it is almost Saturday night? Listen to Karla DeVito sing about it!
Thursday, December 17, 2015
Hello Again!
It's been too long. It really has. About four months to be exact. Every week, I thought of blogging, but just didn't have a thing to write about!
Been crocheting as always, currently working on some hats that folks are buying!
Been working for four months at a restaurant, I really like it there. You meet a lot of nice people, and the food is good! Always a plus.
Also, finishing up high school! I am a senior now, just turned 17 last month. It's not the easiest thing being 17, but it is not horrible Eiether. I guess at this age, you are getting ready to grow up, but there are still some things that you are not grown enough to do.
Soon enough, I will be taking the written test for a driver's permit. Scared out of my mind? You bet! When is there a moment in my life where I am not anxious?
Considering going to school to be a nail technician. I will be going to the same school my mother went to, she went for massage though.
Speaking of my Mom, she has entered the blogging world again after six years! This is her site, check it out, please follow her, she is a great lady.
http://eightgypsies.blogspot.com/
As for me? Well, I am back! No worries.
Been crocheting as always, currently working on some hats that folks are buying!
Been working for four months at a restaurant, I really like it there. You meet a lot of nice people, and the food is good! Always a plus.
Also, finishing up high school! I am a senior now, just turned 17 last month. It's not the easiest thing being 17, but it is not horrible Eiether. I guess at this age, you are getting ready to grow up, but there are still some things that you are not grown enough to do.
Soon enough, I will be taking the written test for a driver's permit. Scared out of my mind? You bet! When is there a moment in my life where I am not anxious?
Considering going to school to be a nail technician. I will be going to the same school my mother went to, she went for massage though.
Speaking of my Mom, she has entered the blogging world again after six years! This is her site, check it out, please follow her, she is a great lady.
http://eightgypsies.blogspot.com/
As for me? Well, I am back! No worries.
Monday, September 21, 2015
Fair Week!
That time of year has come again.
FAIR WEEK!
Every September, the fair comes to our town, with food, animals, rides, contests and madness. LOTS OF MADNESS!
There was only one year when I had not entered anything. 2013, July, August and September were a whirlwind and I barely had time to prepare! But I have a feeling that 2015 is going to be a good one.
I am entering a Sashay knitted scarf, a crochet beach bag and a finger knitted necklace. The rest of the family is putting in their art as well. This will be the first time where I will not be dropping my stuff off in person! I am working tonight. Isn't it odd how I never thought I would get a job? And here I am. Things seem to be coming together in many an interesting way!
I like my job a lot so far. The only anxieties I have are memorizing the menu (it is big) and messing up somehow! But Anxiety will be with me every place I go, might as well get used to it.
I love getting ready for work. I lug all my make up and hair stuff into the bathroom, line everything up on the window sill and turn on some tunes. I've been listening to a ridiculous amount of Tommy James and the Shondells and Lou Christie as of late.
The Shondells recently did a free concert, and how I wish I could've made it out. Over 9,000 people went. How can one go wrong? Good music for free!
Imagine being there, 9,000 people. Everybody together, enjoying music from days gone by. It's a beautiful thought.
I leave you with two Shondells songs. "Ball Of Fire" is amazing. "Dragging The Line" is my work song.
FAIR WEEK!
Every September, the fair comes to our town, with food, animals, rides, contests and madness. LOTS OF MADNESS!
There was only one year when I had not entered anything. 2013, July, August and September were a whirlwind and I barely had time to prepare! But I have a feeling that 2015 is going to be a good one.
I am entering a Sashay knitted scarf, a crochet beach bag and a finger knitted necklace. The rest of the family is putting in their art as well. This will be the first time where I will not be dropping my stuff off in person! I am working tonight. Isn't it odd how I never thought I would get a job? And here I am. Things seem to be coming together in many an interesting way!
I like my job a lot so far. The only anxieties I have are memorizing the menu (it is big) and messing up somehow! But Anxiety will be with me every place I go, might as well get used to it.
I love getting ready for work. I lug all my make up and hair stuff into the bathroom, line everything up on the window sill and turn on some tunes. I've been listening to a ridiculous amount of Tommy James and the Shondells and Lou Christie as of late.
The Shondells recently did a free concert, and how I wish I could've made it out. Over 9,000 people went. How can one go wrong? Good music for free!
Imagine being there, 9,000 people. Everybody together, enjoying music from days gone by. It's a beautiful thought.
I leave you with two Shondells songs. "Ball Of Fire" is amazing. "Dragging The Line" is my work song.
Friday, September 18, 2015
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DARIEN!
Here are some great photos of her from this Summer. One and two were taken at the beach, number one is my favorite, she looks positively beautiful against the sky.
The third photo was taken at a "White Castle", our first fresh "White Castle" experience.
Four was taken at Aunt Debbie's place of reside, cousin Dawn taught us card making last night, Darien is holding up one of her genius creations!
What can I tell you about my sister? Where do you start? I've known her for pretty much all of my life. She was born three years after me. We have been best friends since September 19th, 2001, aka, the day she came into this world.
Our friendship has evolved over the years. When we were little, we used to play a game we made up, called "People". It's where you take those little toy doll houses and move the people around in them, act out their problems. Little people or Barbies. Ken too. It was our favorite.
As we got older and graduated from that stuff, we played music together. Darien has been playing guitar since four years old. She is very good, can play any instrument she touches. I will put our music on the blog one of these days.
We do all of the cool stuff that best buddies usually do. Sleep over in each other's rooms/stay up watching TV on the weekends, shoot the breeze about fellas and other things.
Darien is very into sports. She is interested in all of them, basketball and baseball especially. She hopes to be a professional basketball player some day.
I am really proud of this kid, and it has been amazing watching her grow up and growing up with her! Well not really growing with her, she is taller then I am now.
She is a great sister and person to know. I love this kid!
Love you, Dee! Happy Birthday!
Thursday, September 17, 2015
Poems, New and Old.
Here are some poems and songs that I have written, some don't have titles yet, I am not the greatest at titles.
View Of A New Season.
Through this window, a residential street.
Cracked with screens and branches, cherry
blossoms do unfold
Winter packs wind and snow in its suitcase.
Alarm clock on the dresser is set. Ticks to
three seasons as Winter crawls into bed.
Drop off our layers and flubbed as the light
touches pale skin.
Swore we looked like Eskimos, cursed the
weather when it snowed. Sidewalks are now
dry, stay to watch a flower bloom.
Colors have returned, the streets were slick
with ice. Push heat and color into frozen
bones.
----
Grief and Confusion.
Mighty one atop a mountain peak, possessor
of power, storms, joy and grief, what is the mighty
plan?
Children writhe in the pain, try to adapt, wail at
the sight of their fresh scars. Innocent lives robbed
by psychotic monsters. Some monsters wear
a coat of flesh like others. We don't care if this
monster dies.
What do you do to stop the monster, this stealer
of innocence? What do you do for the children
who lose their hair in the sink?
We have questions to fill the mail bags, where do
We send them? Confusion consumes us, but we
remain on our knees. On our knees, grief cuts valleys
in our faces.
---------
White Shoes.
Off the assembly line, clean and white. Out of the
womb, pure and bright. Presented in a box,
presented with a first breath. Brand new white
shoes on the feet, brand new bright soul in the
body. Hit the streets, hit the World.
Rain. Trauma. Mud. Trouble. Marks. Blood.
Oh, how easy the white shoes can be tarnished.
Oh how easy the soul can be tarnished.
--------
Sorority.
Sorority, you will be the death of a long term plan.
Sorority, had a can of liquid evil in her hand, not the
first, not close to last.
Sorority, bubbling over, spilling out, nothing left to
keep hid. She might be pretty but her head is full of
air, of those fatal party queens beware.
Sorority, you'd be a cold woman to take him from me,
I'll make it clear to you woman, I was waiting from the
first, first place, I'll stay. Out cook and bake you,
Out Susie home make you, Sorority, go to the back
of the line where you belong.
-----------------
Silver is the grass, turned by the street lamp, nine
o clock, someone comes running, bare feet in the
dust of the front porch, like a jet halting sharp on the
sidewalk.
Breathing heavy, heart beats fast, fire in the chest,
fear and confusion. Look above, count twenty stars,
five airplanes, lots to see tonight.
Focus hard, stop pulling out hair, pay attention hard to
That star light. Beg again to the man who has the World
in his hand, the one who doesn't give up those
answers.
-------------
Honey, don't get caught in the rain, the sky is
depressed and crying today. I worry, worry ten fold
over you. Worry, mother told me not to do.
Honey, don't stay too long in the cold, tell the man
to get some soup and coffee. I worry you'll freeze to
death, did I tell you, no not yet. Worry five times more
to myself.
Honey, what about the beer and smoke? Lord, shield
him from folks who like to toke, this I worry about the
most. Our fate is up to you and no one else.
This worry makes me crazy, I can't do the math,
Emotional multiplication in negative numbers. Let
me simplify, I worry, worry, worry about my guy.
Honey drive careful and honey walk cautious, don't
let a mean word ruin your day. If you do your
worrying that maybe no one cares, recall the girl
who worries over you, honey, I do.
View Of A New Season.
Through this window, a residential street.
Cracked with screens and branches, cherry
blossoms do unfold
Winter packs wind and snow in its suitcase.
Alarm clock on the dresser is set. Ticks to
three seasons as Winter crawls into bed.
Drop off our layers and flubbed as the light
touches pale skin.
Swore we looked like Eskimos, cursed the
weather when it snowed. Sidewalks are now
dry, stay to watch a flower bloom.
Colors have returned, the streets were slick
with ice. Push heat and color into frozen
bones.
----
Grief and Confusion.
Mighty one atop a mountain peak, possessor
of power, storms, joy and grief, what is the mighty
plan?
Children writhe in the pain, try to adapt, wail at
the sight of their fresh scars. Innocent lives robbed
by psychotic monsters. Some monsters wear
a coat of flesh like others. We don't care if this
monster dies.
What do you do to stop the monster, this stealer
of innocence? What do you do for the children
who lose their hair in the sink?
We have questions to fill the mail bags, where do
We send them? Confusion consumes us, but we
remain on our knees. On our knees, grief cuts valleys
in our faces.
---------
White Shoes.
Off the assembly line, clean and white. Out of the
womb, pure and bright. Presented in a box,
presented with a first breath. Brand new white
shoes on the feet, brand new bright soul in the
body. Hit the streets, hit the World.
Rain. Trauma. Mud. Trouble. Marks. Blood.
Oh, how easy the white shoes can be tarnished.
Oh how easy the soul can be tarnished.
--------
Sorority.
Sorority, you will be the death of a long term plan.
Sorority, had a can of liquid evil in her hand, not the
first, not close to last.
Sorority, bubbling over, spilling out, nothing left to
keep hid. She might be pretty but her head is full of
air, of those fatal party queens beware.
Sorority, you'd be a cold woman to take him from me,
I'll make it clear to you woman, I was waiting from the
first, first place, I'll stay. Out cook and bake you,
Out Susie home make you, Sorority, go to the back
of the line where you belong.
-----------------
Silver is the grass, turned by the street lamp, nine
o clock, someone comes running, bare feet in the
dust of the front porch, like a jet halting sharp on the
sidewalk.
Breathing heavy, heart beats fast, fire in the chest,
fear and confusion. Look above, count twenty stars,
five airplanes, lots to see tonight.
Focus hard, stop pulling out hair, pay attention hard to
That star light. Beg again to the man who has the World
in his hand, the one who doesn't give up those
answers.
-------------
Honey, don't get caught in the rain, the sky is
depressed and crying today. I worry, worry ten fold
over you. Worry, mother told me not to do.
Honey, don't stay too long in the cold, tell the man
to get some soup and coffee. I worry you'll freeze to
death, did I tell you, no not yet. Worry five times more
to myself.
Honey, what about the beer and smoke? Lord, shield
him from folks who like to toke, this I worry about the
most. Our fate is up to you and no one else.
This worry makes me crazy, I can't do the math,
Emotional multiplication in negative numbers. Let
me simplify, I worry, worry, worry about my guy.
Honey drive careful and honey walk cautious, don't
let a mean word ruin your day. If you do your
worrying that maybe no one cares, recall the girl
who worries over you, honey, I do.
Wednesday, September 16, 2015
September Busy Stuff.
Things have been so busy lately. I have been thinking about blogging, but there just has not been enough hours in the day! But I am going to try to get back on schedule.
School has started for us, I am in the 12th grade. I have been waiting for that day for the longest time, to be a Senior, to graduate! By June, I will be through with high school. I am planning a nice family party with some really sweet appetizers.
Math and Science are the only things that I have trouble with. But things are getting a little easier, since we changed the format of school.
I finally have a job! Sadly, I cannot tell you where, but I am in the food service industry. I like it a lot for the most part. Only had a few bad days, but I am trying to do my absolute best and be my at strongest. Will I ever let my manager see me cry? No way, Jose. If there is a way to be a sweetheart with a thick and unbreakable skin, I intend to be that girl.
Why did I get a job? Not because I was bored. Not because people (not my folks) say that 16 year olds should have a job. I want to save up to go to Ireland with my family next year! I will be going with my Aunt, Uncle and Cousin, I am so excited. Of course, I am worrying and doubting : What if I don't meet my goal of $2,000 by April?But if I work hard enough, I think I can do it.
And if I don't? Naturally I will be a little heartbroken (ok, a lot) but I will have money in the bank, which is more then I can say then earlier this year!
So basically this has been my brain all of September:
"Memorize that Sandwich.....negative numbers have that little dash next to them.....must get that blanket done....put some cream on that burn...where can you find records of coal miners?"
Lots of stuff.
Don't you just love this weather? Something is in the air. It feels like something amazing is going to happen. I have the good kind of chills all over-it is a little bit confusing when you have good chills and then you have bad anxiety burning in your stomach. It is not a nice combination.
So how about you? What are the busy September things in your life?
School has started for us, I am in the 12th grade. I have been waiting for that day for the longest time, to be a Senior, to graduate! By June, I will be through with high school. I am planning a nice family party with some really sweet appetizers.
Math and Science are the only things that I have trouble with. But things are getting a little easier, since we changed the format of school.
I finally have a job! Sadly, I cannot tell you where, but I am in the food service industry. I like it a lot for the most part. Only had a few bad days, but I am trying to do my absolute best and be my at strongest. Will I ever let my manager see me cry? No way, Jose. If there is a way to be a sweetheart with a thick and unbreakable skin, I intend to be that girl.
Why did I get a job? Not because I was bored. Not because people (not my folks) say that 16 year olds should have a job. I want to save up to go to Ireland with my family next year! I will be going with my Aunt, Uncle and Cousin, I am so excited. Of course, I am worrying and doubting : What if I don't meet my goal of $2,000 by April?But if I work hard enough, I think I can do it.
And if I don't? Naturally I will be a little heartbroken (ok, a lot) but I will have money in the bank, which is more then I can say then earlier this year!
So basically this has been my brain all of September:
"Memorize that Sandwich.....negative numbers have that little dash next to them.....must get that blanket done....put some cream on that burn...where can you find records of coal miners?"
Lots of stuff.
Don't you just love this weather? Something is in the air. It feels like something amazing is going to happen. I have the good kind of chills all over-it is a little bit confusing when you have good chills and then you have bad anxiety burning in your stomach. It is not a nice combination.
So how about you? What are the busy September things in your life?
Wednesday, September 9, 2015
Chilly Days Ahead-Why You Should Love It-REALLY!
Summer is almost over. Would you believe it? This was one of the greatest Summer's and like all Summertimes, I do not want it to end. But it must. Because we have four seasons. It's unfortunate.
You probably guessed it, Summer is my all time favorite season. I live and breathe it. I am not looking to Fall too much. I am not looking forward to Winter at all.
My Mother and I were noticing, how gloomy and Pessimistic we can be about the chilly seasons approaching. But instead of listing all of the horrible things about Fall and Winter, why not try to list the good things? So that is what I will try to do here.
1: Sweaters: Yesss, striped zip up sweater, old pal o mine, it will be nice to see you. Had some great memories with that sweater. But seriously, when you are not doing dishes, longs sleeves will be a lot of fun!
2: Leaves: Naturally, the leaves will be changing their colors, which an awesome walk around the block does make. Red is my favorite color for Fall leaves!
3: Hot Chocolate: Who doesn't love that? You come in from the cold and stick that mug in the microwave...perfect! Especially the cute little packets with all the different flavors.
4: For The Yarnies: If you knit or crochet, this one's for you. Nothing like making a big blanket that warms you as you work on it.
5: Freshly Fallen Snow: When the snow first hits the ground, untainted by mud and cars, without foot prints. Blindingly white against the chalky sky.
6: Icicles: Those things are cool.
7: Lights: Depending on where you live and if they celebrate all things that go with the Christmas Holliday, people will put lights on their house. Our family likes to drive at night to see the displays. And downtown is beautifully lit too.
8: Christmas: One of my favorite times of the year.
9: Baking: No more hot kitchens!
10: Hope: You know when this is all over, beloved Summertime returns again. Though you think this Winter will last forever, Summer eventually returns, thank God. Then you can take your coat off and look around in awe saying:
"Warm weather? You exist?"
You probably guessed it, Summer is my all time favorite season. I live and breathe it. I am not looking to Fall too much. I am not looking forward to Winter at all.
My Mother and I were noticing, how gloomy and Pessimistic we can be about the chilly seasons approaching. But instead of listing all of the horrible things about Fall and Winter, why not try to list the good things? So that is what I will try to do here.
1: Sweaters: Yesss, striped zip up sweater, old pal o mine, it will be nice to see you. Had some great memories with that sweater. But seriously, when you are not doing dishes, longs sleeves will be a lot of fun!
2: Leaves: Naturally, the leaves will be changing their colors, which an awesome walk around the block does make. Red is my favorite color for Fall leaves!
3: Hot Chocolate: Who doesn't love that? You come in from the cold and stick that mug in the microwave...perfect! Especially the cute little packets with all the different flavors.
4: For The Yarnies: If you knit or crochet, this one's for you. Nothing like making a big blanket that warms you as you work on it.
5: Freshly Fallen Snow: When the snow first hits the ground, untainted by mud and cars, without foot prints. Blindingly white against the chalky sky.
6: Icicles: Those things are cool.
7: Lights: Depending on where you live and if they celebrate all things that go with the Christmas Holliday, people will put lights on their house. Our family likes to drive at night to see the displays. And downtown is beautifully lit too.
8: Christmas: One of my favorite times of the year.
9: Baking: No more hot kitchens!
10: Hope: You know when this is all over, beloved Summertime returns again. Though you think this Winter will last forever, Summer eventually returns, thank God. Then you can take your coat off and look around in awe saying:
"Warm weather? You exist?"
Tuesday, August 25, 2015
Rambling About The Chocolate Factory.
Four years old. Twelve years ago. That's a long, long time. Sometimes it feels like someone else's life, not my own. But then, sometimes I feel like it was just yesterday. Being three and four years old felt like magic. Every thing was magical! I would love so much to go back to those days....but you can't. However, I can still feel the exact same way as I had back then, and I did today.
Because of "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory," the 1971 Gene Wilder version. The best version.
This was my jam back in those days, that and "Annie". This movie was just so darn good! Now I can't remember if I used to watch it before or during the time when I got sick, which was in the age 3-4 bracket. But this movie, along with the town that I lived in at the time, are my favorite flashbacks. Gosh, I love my old town.
Usually, when you go through Cancer, you don't want to remember anything about that time....and I don't. Somehow I erased a lot of those bad memories (although a lot of them still stick) but managed to keep the golden ones that happened right before I got sick. So watching this is one of my favorite memories from those days.
The Johnny Depp remake does not stack up. The only thing right that they did about it was the tunnel scene. The original was creepy, the new one, not so much.. But the new one is just creepy all over. Besides, I like Gene Wilder a lot better then Johnny Depp.
Yes. 16 in 2015 and I am a Johnny Depp nay sayer. In the words of Shania Twain, "That Don't Impress Me Much." Gene Wilder, darn it.
Plus the original had different people playing those Oompa Loompas, whereas they only had one fella and CGI to do the job in the remake.
And how can one go wrong with "Cheer Up Charlie"?
I got to see it again today after not having watched it in a few years, I had completely forgotten how it made me feel, happy and nostalgic!
The closing line is the best ever:
“Mr. Wonka: "Don’t forget what happened to the man who suddenly got everything he wanted."
Charlie Bucket: "What happened?"
Because of "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory," the 1971 Gene Wilder version. The best version.
This was my jam back in those days, that and "Annie". This movie was just so darn good! Now I can't remember if I used to watch it before or during the time when I got sick, which was in the age 3-4 bracket. But this movie, along with the town that I lived in at the time, are my favorite flashbacks. Gosh, I love my old town.
Usually, when you go through Cancer, you don't want to remember anything about that time....and I don't. Somehow I erased a lot of those bad memories (although a lot of them still stick) but managed to keep the golden ones that happened right before I got sick. So watching this is one of my favorite memories from those days.
The Johnny Depp remake does not stack up. The only thing right that they did about it was the tunnel scene. The original was creepy, the new one, not so much.. But the new one is just creepy all over. Besides, I like Gene Wilder a lot better then Johnny Depp.
Yes. 16 in 2015 and I am a Johnny Depp nay sayer. In the words of Shania Twain, "That Don't Impress Me Much." Gene Wilder, darn it.
Plus the original had different people playing those Oompa Loompas, whereas they only had one fella and CGI to do the job in the remake.
And how can one go wrong with "Cheer Up Charlie"?
I got to see it again today after not having watched it in a few years, I had completely forgotten how it made me feel, happy and nostalgic!
The closing line is the best ever:
“Mr. Wonka: "Don’t forget what happened to the man who suddenly got everything he wanted."
Charlie Bucket: "What happened?"
Mr. Wonka: "He lived happily ever after.”
Makes me teary.
I miss being four.
Monday, August 17, 2015
Superhero Dog Capes!
My cousin Joe asked me if I could make superhero capes for his three dogs. I thought hard about this. How would I make such a thing? I knew I couldn't sew them, since my inability to use scissors without botching fabric. I am left handed so that would have been crazy for me.
I searched on Google and came upon something that was in my area of business. This crochet pattern for superhero capes is perfect! Here is the link:
http://poshpoochdesignsdogclothes.blogspot.com/2015/03/super-hero-dog-cape-free-crochet.html
The colors I used were red, blue and orchid. I had never used the orchid color yarn, it was a treat, indeed.
It was a very easy pattern to follow and I recommend it to anyone looking for canine gifts.
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